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solitude_in_me
14 July 2016 @ 09:41 pm
In this past month alone, so much has happened throughout the world and it is difficult to stomach. It almost feels as if all the bad stuff in the past decade has just condensed into one month.

Orlando shooting in a gay club
Bombings at Bangladeshi Eid gathering, Bagdad, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon
Triple suicide bombing at Turkish Atarturk airport
Police shooting of Alton Sterling (Louisana) and Philando Castile (Minnesota), as well as the subsequent Black Life Matters protest
Police shooting of Dylan Noble (California)
Killing of five police officers (Texas)
Killings in Nice

So much sadness going on that I feel sick. But I am reminded that I should not be looking for peace from the world. I know where the source of peace is and that is where I should focus on.
 
 
Mood: sadsad
 
 
solitude_in_me
24 April 2016 @ 10:40 am
I have a Malaysian friend here CL who is a fine, young, faithful man in Christ.
I look up to him because he can turn any conversation with a stranger into one centered around Christ, of which I fail miserably for fear of how people will look at me.
He is mature beyond his age and I enjoy my in-depth conversations with him because his faith and attitude inspires many around him.
While not many companies are willing to sponsor a H1B to an international with only a bachelor's degree, his company wanted to.
Although due to legal issues, H1B was not possible and they sponsored him a Canadian work visa instead, further testifying to his work performance.
And so, it is with a mixed bag of sadness and hope that we sent him off.

Unfortunately, not many people know who actually lies below that facade.
Within a month of his departure, he did not report to work and went missing. Information about him started to surface that we never knew, especially about depression.
We knew that he was sad to leave here but no one knew how deep the roots of depression went. While we question and chide ourselves for not noticing that portion of him, pastor also reminded us yesterday that it is ultimately his own fault for being unreal.

"When you put on a puppet show for others to see, you get a puppet show in return".

Wise words indeed.
Nonetheless, it still breaks my heart to know about this and images of him flash through my mind every once in awhile. I scarely can imagine what his loved ones are going through right now.
 
 
Mood: sadsad
 
 
solitude_in_me
19 March 2016 @ 11:45 pm
I have been pretty overwhelmed in emotions recently with plenty of self-doubt, breakdowns and crying bouts. I will not say that I am out of the woods yet but I am hoping I am on the recovery. This worship song that we sang today spoke right to me in this season. My joy comesevery morning from God alone.

And when my heart is overwhelmed.
Please lead me to the rock
That is higher than I.
That is higher than I.
 
 
Mood: hopefulhopeful